Your beloved narrator/ moral compass/ voice in your head, has been reduced to a statistic today. That's right, as of today, I no longer am a civil (indentured) servant. Say what you will about my work ethic; I know there will be slander enveloping all ensuing conversation.
"I heard he was fired, such a bad work ethic, lazy fuck."
"He was fired for accidentally the whole office!"
"I heard he inserted PENIS into VAGINA. "
"What I heard was that there was serious internal ethical problems within his department. On various occasions he tried to blow a whistle but was diverted and told to keep silent; a true hero of his league." ***
*** One of these is (exaggeratedly) true. To put all false notions to rest; I was not fired. (Yes I was).
Now that all this is transparent, I would like to take some time to inform you, my beloved reader, about some things I have learned over the course of my federal employment.
*Spoiler alert- anecdotes ahead*
1. If you are a student employee with a federal agency, you have no rights or provisions to protect your employed state. It says so in the handbook and is made clear every day. They may fire you at any time, without warning, and without cause. The only protection you have is against discrimination based on gender (lol, as if they care), race, religion (but not lack thereof), et al.
2. I have learned that if you aren't happy- change that. This goes for all things, especially your employer. If you don't like it, opt out. I wish I would have fully understood this the first day at work. I knew this when I saw that there was literally a departmental club designed for a small group to dick around and label it 'team building.' Fuck. You. Guys. I am sorry that I wasn't a part of you ego- boosting clique because I wasn't 21 and couldn't go to bars.
When did I realize I wasn't comfortable in that setting?
- Maybe it was when a naked co worker, brandished with a broken wine glass, threw my end table out of my hotel room because I refused to sleep with her.
- Maybe it was when I realized that I was nothing more than a pawn, doing personal tasks for my bosses and having everyone throw their mundane work at me. But that's alright, I'm just the student. I don't work and attend school full time to earn a degree in something a little more complicated than faxing invoices and adding numbers. I'm sorry that all the math you glorified accountants needed was taught to you in elementary school.
- Maybe it was when I was alone, in the presence of an individual with known PTSD (amongst other psychosis) who drew a gun. Hey it's alright, I didn't report this. He's my friend, right? I was just trying to help the guy.
- Maybe it was when I had to administer first aide to my friend who went into a clonic seizure on two separate occasions while people just watched. I was helped by two other staff, and one other jackass who tried separating me from my friend so he could 'pray the demons out'. I am not making this up.
-Maybe I was made uncomfortable by the innumerable times that I was made to feel incapable because of my sex, and most importantly, my age. Maybe it was also because I did not partake in your thinly veiled religious activity this winter. You know I am not religious. Why the hell did you decorate my cubicle with shit I hate?
This has been, yet another rant. Thanks to anyone who may have read this. If you have some work related B.S. to get off your chest, feel free to do so in the comments. Oh, and throw an extra five spot to the panhandler on the corner, it could be me. Peace y'all.