Thursday, March 31, 2011

Nude Pictures of Someone You Know If You are My FB Friend.

PSYCH! You should all be ashamed for scrolling to the bottom. Ya pervs!

I have lured you here with the promise of free nudes, but just like that stranger with candy when you were five, I ain't delivering. Maybe he did with the nudes part. In that case I am so sorry. Childhood victimization is a horrible thing. Look here.

Anyway, instead of cleaning the house like I told the significant other, I am giving you all something much more meaningful. I am giving you my art- my metaphorical soul pixelated and stylized for your viewing pleasure. Emphasis on pleasure. Ooh yeah, now we're talking, big boy.

I give you:

 Le Art Michel.

This. Ah, reminiscing  about this day makes me quiver like the Virgin of Delphi. It was a brisk, snowy-yet-clear, morning. Fresh snowfall blanketed the usually naked desert. Every photon emitted by Ra was buzzing with energy (literally) and the air was so clear; without any faint distortion. I needed a subject. I fumbled clumsily with my mittens, trying to find the perfect object; the perfect angle! I was spinning in frantic confusion and frustration and anger when, alas, my eyes fall to my muse- my beloved dog. He was glorious. Hunched over in his little sweater. Perfect arch! Perfect form! He was dropping a massive deuce, thankfully, and I was able to capture multiple stills.

I had just seen a film that inspired me. I wanted to become a street artist. I opened up photoshop, threw this beast in there and in a few short minutes I produced what may become the next influential image in the street art scene. My dog; pinching a loaf.

This is my attempts at making an otherwise fine photo, look like ass. The subject is ananymouse Asian tenant living in my building. She definitely knew how to work the shoot. Had a lot of fun taking these, in fact too much (she came over to my place and spent the night, every night for two weeks. Damn those asians get the best of me.) What you'll notice here is my supreme lack of artistic capability; using filters and tinkering with levels till it looks decent.

More you say?

This is a self portrait. It took months to complete; at first I was hesitant about the end product. I didn't want to publish it. I had a lot of negative reception from various local art galleries. One lady asked if I was mentally retarded. I said ''No, you whore, my face actually looks like that.'' Regardless, I am proud. This is who I am. This is your faithful (pun intended) blogger. Imagine me when you read my words. Imagine me when you grocery shop. Imagine me when you make the most delicate of love.


  1. I think you should pursue the Asian tenant, despite your efforts shes still super hot. Over nighter's eh? is that when you took the nudes you were talking about?

  2. Did you tap on the window and laugh when your dog turned around? I always do that. THEY'RE POOPING!

  3. funny story with the last picture